Everyone in town used to throw rocks at me and tell me I was annoying. I once knew this guy named Dilby. He threw rocks at me too. Are you gonna throw rocks at me? What about now?
- Noober, Baldur’s Gate
Archive for December, 2006
You see, the religious people – most of them – really think this planet is an experiment. That’s what their beliefs come down to. Some god or other is always fixing and poking, messing around with tradesmen’s wives, giving tablets on mountains, commanding you to mutilate your children, telling people what words they can say and what words they can’t say, making people feel guilty about enjoying themselves, and like that. Why can’t the gods leave well enough alone? All this intervention speaks of incompetence. If God didn’t want Lot’s wife to look back, why didn’t he make her obedient, so she’d do what her husband told her? Or if he hadn’t made Lot such a shithead, maybe she would’ve listened to him more. If God is omnipotent and omniscient, why didn’t he start the universe out in the first place so it would come out the way he wants? Why’s he constantly repairing and complaining? No, there’s one thing the Bible makes clear: The biblical God is a sloppy manufacturer. He’s not good at design, he’s not good at execution. He’d be out of business if there was any competition.
- Sol Hadden, Contact, Carl Sagan
Fundamentalism? It’s how you get all the mysteries of the universe to fit on a bumper sticker.
- Howard the Duck, Howard the Duck #1 (MAX), Steve Gerber
I find it very difficult to draw a line between what’s sexy and what isn’t. It can be very, very sexy to drive a car, and completely unsexy to flirt with someone at a bar.
- Bjork
Dr. Bill Harford: Honey, have you seen my wallet?
Alice Harford: Isn’t it on the bedside table?
Dr. Bill Harford: Now listen, you know we’re running a little late.
Alice Harford: I know. How do I look?
Dr. Bill Harford: Perfect.
Alice Harford: Is my hair okay?
Dr. Bill Harford: It’s great
Alice Harford: You’re not even looking at it.
Dr. Bill Harford: It’s beautiful. You always look beautiful.
- Eyes Wide Shut
The trouble with wanting something is the fear of losing it, or never getting it. The thought makes you weak.
- Max Payne, Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne
Money doesn’t change men, it merely unmasks them. If a man is naturally selfish or arrogant or greedy, the money brings that out, that’s all.
- Henry Ford
Beverly Switzler: Wh–what do you do with all this stuff — the computer banks — the machinery?
Dr. Bong: Primarily, I intimidate superficial intellects like your own. You see, my dear — all of this hardware is ornamentation — utterly non-functional! The tapes whirr. The gears grind. The lights flash. And that’s all! But it looks impressive!
- Howard the Duck #17, Steve Gerber
O slender as a speeding freak! Spaced out groovy tripper!
O mush brained maid whose mind decays with every pill I slip her!
O mind blown fair farina-head, friend of birds and beetles!
O skinny wraith whose fingernails are hypodermic needles!
O tangled locks and painted bod! Pupils big as eggs!
O flower-maid who never bathes or even shaves her legs!
O softened mind that wanders wherever moon above leads!
O how I dig thee Hashberry, from nose to sleazy love-beads!
- Tim Benzedrine, Bored of the Rings, Harvard Lampoon
A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
- Carl Sagan, Contact
When God hates all the same people you do
Published by 1 year, 7 months ago in Novelists. 0 CommentsYou can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Here’s what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
- The Book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
And the vine said unto them, Should I leave my wine, which cheereth God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees?
- Judges 9:13
I’ll stare the bastard in the face as he screams to God, and I’ll laugh harder when he whimpers like a baby. And when his eyes go dead, the hell I send him to will seem like heaven after what I’ve done to him.
- Marv, Sin City, Frank Miller
Sex as a selfish act
Published by 1 year, 7 months ago in Books, Novelists and Philosophers. 0 CommentsNo matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment — just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! — an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.
- Francisco d’Anconia, Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
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