Cherryl Brooks: There’s something I want you to know, so that there won’t be any pretending about it. I’m not going to put on the sweet relative act. I know what you’ve done to Jim and how you’ve made him miserable all his life. I’m going to protect him against you. I’ll put you in your place. I’m Mrs. Taggart. I’m the woman in this family now.
Dagny Taggart: That’s quite all right. I’m the man.
- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
I drink to make other people interesting.
- Groucho Marx
“Welcome to Lornadoon,” said Lavalier, rising slowly to her feet, and it seemed to the company that she was as fair as a young sapling or scrub oak. She had magnificent chestnut hair, and when she shook her head, handfuls of magnificent chestnuts dropped to the floor like rain. Frito toyed with the Ring and wondered at her great beauty.
“I see, Frito,” she said, “that as you toy with the Ring, you wonder at my great beauty.”
- Bored of the Rings, Harvard Lampoon
Don’t smoke, kids. Unless you’re on fire. Then it’s only natural.
- Max, Sam & Max: The Mole, the Mob and the Meatball
My job? Taking care of crazies like you. Making sure you don’t go and hurt yourselves with your deviant powers. And cookies, I make cookies.
- Lonk the Sane, Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn
Chocolate is a serious thing.
- Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation
…”This is an evil place, I fear,” said Arrowroot, slipping on the sticky black paint which covered every inch of the land.
“It is the Black Valley,” said Goodgulf solemnly.
“Are we in Fordor already?” asked Frito hopefully.
“Do not mention that black land in this black land,” said the Wizard darkly.
- Bored of the Rings, Harvard Lampoon
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man a sword and he can feast on the meaty marrow of evil!
- Minsc, Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn
In science it often happens that scientists say, “You know that’s a really good argument; my position is mistaken,” and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn’t happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
- Carl Sagan
I mean, we’re only human beings, and what’s a human being? A weak, ugly, sinful creature, born that way, rotten in his bones—so humility is the one virtue he ought to practice. He ought to spend his life on his knees, begging to be forgiven for his dirty existence.
- James Taggart, Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
Why, a four-year-old child could understand this. Run out and find me a four-year-old child; I can’t make head or tail out of it.
- Groucho Marx, Duck Soup
Jump on my sword while you can, evil! I won’t be as gentle!
- Minsc, Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn
Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
- Alfred Hitchcock
Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
- Groucho Marx, Duck Soup
“That leaves only Fordor,” said Orlon. “But even a retarded troll would not go there.”
“Even a dwarf,” admitted Legolam.
Frito suddenly felt that all eyes were on him.
“Couldn’t we just drop it down a storm drain, or pawn it and swallow the ticket?” he said.
“Alas,” said Goodgulf solemnly, “It is not that easy.”
“But why?”
“Alas,” explained Goodgulf.
- Bored of the Rings, Harvard Lampoon
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